Dinero

February 18, 2011 1:06 p.m./8:06 p.m.

The past couple days have been a fight to get my hands on my money. I have money in several banks although one bank has more money. I attempted to withdraw money from this bank with my ATM card which, I was told by the bank, would work in Spain. Of course, it did not. I tried it at several ATMs. No luck. I tried a different bank card and it worked perfectly . . . except I don’t have much money in that account. “No problem!” I thought. I will just get online and transfer money to the working account from the account I can’t access. No. I can’t. I accessed my account online and it said I was in a new location (Yes, yes I am. Thanks for the update). Because I was in a new location, to protect the security of my account, they would send a special passcode to my cell phone. Oh my cell phone? No, it doesn’t work in Spain. The website said to call them in such a predicament. Luckily I had a number by which I could call them collect.

In Act II of this drama, I went to the pay phone and attempted to make a collect call. The first time, the call was disconnected after I asked to make a collect call. The second time, the automated operator dropped the call before I even had a chance to ask to make a collect call. The third time, I tried to call using my credit card. It was not accepted. The fourth time, I tried to use a different credit card. It was not accepted. I gave up for the day.

The next day, I called the AT&T International number and it played out much the same. I was unable to make the collect call to my bank. I then decided that I needed to buy an international calling card. Where does one buy one, though, and what the hell are they called in Spanish? Wait! Surely such a thing is sold online! And they are. Simply put in your credit card number and you will receive a PIN. Perfecto! This will allow me to call the bank so I can access my money. No. After you purchase the PIN number, you receive an email with the PIN and calling information. Of course, first, after you’ve already paid, they let you know that they will be calling your phone to verify that this is really you authorizing this charge and not a hoodlum who stole your card. And what phone are they calling me on? My cell phone, of course!

So, I immediately went to the calling card company’s customer service page and began instant messaging with a customer service representative. “Is there another way to verify this? I have no phone. Can we Skype?” “No, ma’am we only do telephone verification. I must call you.” Well for shit’s sake. Eventually I gave the lady the number for my school and what times I would be there. She must have decided it would be too difficult to call Spain and five minutes later, I had my PIN. Jackpot! I could almost feel the money in my hands.

This evening, I headed back to the pay phone. Surely I was just minutes away from financial stability (I’d wanted to do a 40€ excursion with my school this weekend to Costa Tropical but did not because I was unsure of when I would be able to get additional money). Amazingly, this phone had instructions for calling collect to the US. Jackpot! I won’t even have to use the calling card. The operator dialed the bank’s number for me. No, they do not accept collect calls. Bullshit! The back of the ATM card clearly says, “From International Locations, call collect at . . .”. It’s fine. I have a second number that I can call collect. Nope, that one won’t work either. Ok, it was time to call using the new international calling card number. First, I had to dial the access number. All circuits are busy. Again, I dialed. All circuits are busy. Five times, all circuits are busy. Ok, I thought, I’ll dial the more expensive access number (29 cents per minute versus the other number of 12 cents per minute). And it works. I have 52 minutes to be able to get my online bank account opened up and access to my ATM card restored.

The first guy tells me the problem with using my ATM card is that I didn’t specify what kind of account I wanted the money to be withdrawn from. The default is checking and I do not have a checking account with that bank. Next time, I need to find an ATM that allows me to use my savings account. Ok, no problem. I will find one. There are ATMS on every block. Problem 1 solved, or so I think. He then transfers me to the online banking division.

The lovely helpful lady in the online division proceeded to tell me that I needed to get the passcode to my account from my cell phone. If I did not have access to my cell phone service, I would not be able to access my account while I was out of the range of my service. I told her that I would not be able to access my cell phone service for four months. “Well then,” she told me, “you won’t be able to access your account for four months.” I asked her repeatedly, “Is there no other way to verify my account?” “No, there is not, she told me repeatedly.” Could she transfer the money for me over the phone? No. I was just getting ready to ask for her manager when I said, “What do you do for accounts of people who don’t have phones?” “Oh, we send it to their email.” You. Stupid. Broad. “May I get my passcode sent to my email?” “Oh sure.”

I hung up after nearly reaching my 52 minutes. Everything was now fixed. I could access my account via ATM as long as I chose savings account and I could transfer money once I entered the emailed password.

Feeling victorious, as I walked away, I spotted an ATM. Ah! Perfecto. I put my card in. I was able to choose savings. I chose 100€. And? “Your bank denied the request.”